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Sitting with a box in front of me containing 10 clocks. Need sarcastic response for colleague's comments. Help me Internet, you are my only hope...

NB Yes, dear colleague. Those are _centimetres_...
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Just what the situation needs! Gangs of penniless thugs roaming the streets with nowhere to go and no way of feeding themselves except by looting and mugging!

Thank heavens that's sorted out then.

*headdesk*
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Protip - if you have to preface your remarks with "I'm not a racist, but...", you relly need to stop talking around the "I"...
caffeine_fairy: (Default)
I was very proud of myself this morning. I sit on the toilet lid and hold J in my lap to clean his teeth etc, meaning the handtowel hangs down by my right leg. As I was washing J's face, a GIGANTIC F*CKING SPIDER ran up the towel. It looked like a BDSM apricot (copyright Nik). I shot backwards prepared to do my normal hyperventilating screeching thing so that G would come and be manly at it, and then I remembered the little guy clutching my arm. You know, the one I was about to infect with arachnophobia.

So I took a deep breath, and managed in a relative cheerful if slightly strangled voice, "Oh, a spider! Cool! That made Mummy jump, did it make you jump?"

Thankfully, my local God In Human Form heard my veiled plea for help and came to remove it, whilst I sat on the bed with J and talked about spiders and how cool they are. G brought it over (firmly grasped under a glass), and we talked about the structure of the legs and those horrific little nodules they have on their heads. Then G put it out of the window, and took J off to the bathroom so I could scream a bit in private.

G, incidentally, got a sticker for being a good boy and going in the toilet. I feel slightly aggrieved that I didn't get one for not fleeing the sceen at slightly more than the speed of sound.
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Wonderful, wonderful day.

We were originally due to have G's parents down for the day, but due to Bad Planning they were elsewhere, leaving us at a dangerously loose end. We elected to clean the patio, a wet, dirty and rather slug infested job. If that doesn't sound like a hell of a laugh, well, you haven't got a 2 year old and a jet wash. Also had a tickle-and-sticker fight, the grisly aftermath of which I'd post in picture form if any of us had been wearing more than underwear.

We finished the day off with a barbeque and J tucking me up in bed until we realised we'd got that the wrong way round. G and I then chilled on the shiny clean patio (under the umberella, as it was raining in five second bursts) and are now watching "Airplane!" and contemplating an early night.

Bliss.
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Have just donned my glasses for the first time.

Good Lord. Things have _edges_...
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Bathtimes round here often devolve into seeing how much cold water I can splash on G, who bathes with J most nights. This evening, J watched the shenanigans with a big grin before announcing "Silly sausages!".

I couldn't summon the wherewithal to take advantage and use the big bucket, to my shame...

In other news, this evening I ran Health and Safety training with my boss-aprroved "Don't be a f*cking idiot" slide. I love my job.

SQUEE!

Aug. 4th, 2011 09:41 am
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I am delighted to announce the arrival of a bouncy baby iPhone, for which I am SQUEE.

Suggestions for good apps, anyone?
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*tap*tap*

Is this thing on?
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Why do anarchists drink herbal tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.
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Adopt one today!

Adopt one today!

I have absolutely no idea how this works.

ETA Oh! Apparently if it gets clicked enough it hatches. Cool.
caffeine_fairy: (Plants)
Shamelessly stolen from [livejournal.com profile] gbsteve

Add you name to the comments and I'll find 5 icons of yours that need explaining.
caffeine_fairy: (Default)
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/08/can-i-lick-it/#comments

"Do not lick pressurized lumber"

I think that's a rule we can all live by.
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tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid", "hORRId" and "sluDGE".

preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

microwave oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
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Shamelessly stolen from [livejournal.com profile] dyddgu

1. Go to http://www.careercruising.com/.
2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.
3. Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
4. Post the top ten results

Mine )
caffeine_fairy: (Fallacies)
Can anyone recommend a decent online Excel test, suitable for checking whether a candidate for a job is familiar with the package and can use it to an intermediate level?

Thanks!
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