Just what the situation needs! Gangs of penniless thugs roaming the streets with nowhere to go and no way of feeding themselves except by looting and mugging!

Thank heavens that's sorted out then.

*headdesk*

I was very proud of myself this morning. I sit on the toilet lid and hold J in my lap to clean his teeth etc, meaning the handtowel hangs down by my right leg. As I was washing J's face, a GIGANTIC F*CKING SPIDER ran up the towel. It looked like a BDSM apricot (copyright Nik). I shot backwards prepared to do my normal hyperventilating screeching thing so that G would come and be manly at it, and then I remembered the little guy clutching my arm. You know, the one I was about to infect with arachnophobia.

So I took a deep breath, and managed in a relative cheerful if slightly strangled voice, "Oh, a spider! Cool! That made Mummy jump, did it make you jump?"

Thankfully, my local God In Human Form heard my veiled plea for help and came to remove it, whilst I sat on the bed with J and talked about spiders and how cool they are. G brought it over (firmly grasped under a glass), and we talked about the structure of the legs and those horrific little nodules they have on their heads. Then G put it out of the window, and took J off to the bathroom so I could scream a bit in private.

G, incidentally, got a sticker for being a good boy and going in the toilet. I feel slightly aggrieved that I didn't get one for not fleeing the sceen at slightly more than the speed of sound.

Have just donned my glasses for the first time.

Good Lord. Things have _edges_...

I am delighted to announce the arrival of a bouncy baby iPhone, for which I am SQUEE.

Suggestions for good apps, anyone?

*tap*tap*

Is this thing on?

I have absolutely no idea how this works.

ETA Oh! Apparently if it gets clicked enough it hatches. Cool.

This;

http://www.fodey.com/generators/newspaper/snippet.asp

may never stop being funny.

Also;

http://www.rdrop.com/~/wyvern/data/houseplants.html

Houseplants of Gor.

tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid", "hORRId" and "sluDGE".

preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

microwave oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Can anyone recommend a decent online Excel test, suitable for checking whether a candidate for a job is familiar with the package and can use it to an intermediate level?

Thanks!